I still miss my wife...

This has been a slow week, in terms of receiving news from Spc. McFlute.
It has been an interesting news week, though. I know YOU are here to keep up with Spc. McFlute (and to assuage your guilt from not writing as often as you intended), but since I've got you, I'll go ahead and offer a little bit of commentary on the some events this week.

Don't scroll past my commentary.

Stop scrolling.

PLEASE stop scrolling.

Fine, skip it if you want to I'll keep it short.

Rick Perry, in an effort to ingratiate himself with "right-wing extremists" (normal people) as he tries to buffer himself against accountability a challenge in the Republican gubernatorial primary from Kay Bailey Hutchison, made some incendiary statements about Federal funding (good) and Texas secession (kind of dumb). The Federal funding comments are good because it is nice to see the Texas governor finally standing up for Texans. The secession comments are dumb for two reasons:

1. His ignorance and willingness to say whatever he thinks it will take is highlighted by the fact that Texas gave up its right to secession when it was unsuccessful in standing up for state's rights during The War of Northern Aggression.
   
2. Only right-wing extremists are in favor of secession.
   

(Spc. McFlute references are imminent ...stop scrolling!)

One of Spc. McFlute's favorite Saturday morning activities is to have Mr. Spc. McFlute to prepare pancakes or breakfast tacos while she listens to Wheels with Ed Wallace. Spc. McFlute likes to start her weekend (or in some cases, continue the work week) with pithy commentary that tends to focus on cars and the energy markets. Spc. McFlute listens to this program from her bed, with the door closed, while she is asleep.
Clearly, one of her favorite programs.
At any rate, as I was listening to this program this morning Ed made an interesting comment on this week's Tea Parties in Texas. He said (and I paraphrase):

"Tea party?!? This is Texas. We should have had a kegger...not only would we have gotten the tax message out, we probably would have gone ahead with Rick's secession!"

At any rate, I know Rick Perry pretty well. He used to live next door to me..or maybe that was a different weasel?

Also, a clip from President Obama's weekly radio address just played on the news. In a 360° turnaround, he is calling for oversight and fiscal responsibility. Sounds great!
Of course, his mouth was moving, and we all know what that means...

Spc. McFlute has, most likely, had an eventful week. Unfortunately, I haven't heard anything about it. I do have some information about last week, though.
Spc. McFlute wrote about a few of the activities that she experienced last week, including the gas chamber, combat maneuvers, and Chapel.

Spc. McFlute went through the gas chamber training exercise on Tuesday, April 7. To give you an idea of just how slowly news travels, I received her impressions of this experience on Wednesday, April 15.
There are a few training exercises that Spc. McFlute has described as "fun." This was not one of them. The words that Spc. McFlute used to describe the gas chamber were "sucked" and "sucked." If you know the Specialist at all, you know that this is very strong language, for her, and that she is pretty hardy. The bottom line is that this was a miserable experience.
The gas chamber training involves putting on a gas mask and walking into a small room full of tear gas (I think). While in the chamber, each soldier must lift his gas mask and say his name. As they prepare to leave the chamber the soldiers form a line, remove their gas masks, and recite the Soldier's Creed, then proceed out in an orderly fashion. Spc. McFlute reported nervousness going in to the exercise, but that the gas mask forced her to breathe slowly and deeply, which helped calm her nerves. She reported a stinging sensation as she lifted the mask and stated her name, but the real misery came when she took the thing all the way off. She was able to take a deep enough breath to make it through the first few phrases of the creed before breathing again. After inhaling the gas, all she remembers is stinging and burning. And leaving. Spc. McFlute got out of the chamber and into the fresh air and began to feel better. She was told to flap her arms and walk in circles. This helped, and prodigious amounts of snot also helped clear out the irritants in the gas. To quote Spc. McFlute:

Once out we walked around and flapped our arms. I continued to spit and snot for another few minutes, but I could breathe okay, so I just hung my head and flapped and dripped.

I think this will be something that Spc. McFlute will remind me of any time I complain of a runny nose.

Combat maneuvers involves learning self defense tactics and the like, and apparently involves lots of rolling around in the dirt.
It also involves practicing movements in slow motion. Spc. McFlute finds this pretty taxing, physically. I tried the slow motion the other day when I was unloading the dishwasher, but somehow I don't think that slow motion practice involves checking Facebook every third plate.

Chapel (on Sunday, the 6th) was described as "A good chance to get letters written, but still a refreshing change." It seems that the world's most compelling speakers have chosen not to become Army chaplains. The message (entitled "Do what you're told, work hard, and, by the way, God and your DS will take care of you") was less than inspiring. Spc. McFlute was still glad for the reprieve and thankful that she was able to spend time in worship and meditation.

On a related note, I was reminded of God's faithfulness and provision through a conversation with family friend Mrs. "Around-My-Parents'-Age-But-Still-Way-Hipper-Than-Me." A timely reminder, and an enjoyable Facebook chat. The Lord does provide for us, and is even kind enough to remind us the He provides for us when we forget. I hope He thinks it's funny, rather than pathetic.
We don't need to try so hard to keep the promises that God makes for Him. He is perfectly capable (and willing!) to keep them Himself, in His own time.

This weekend should mark the end of the first phases of basic training for Spc. McFlute. Basic training is, by the way, divided into three phases: Red, White, and Blue (like the American flag...get it?). I will paste a description of the phases (lifted from the Ft. Jackson website, which is terrible and was last updated just before Al Gore invented the internets) below. Feel free to click HERE for the Ft. Jackson website, and, supposedly, more information. Also, Spc. McFlute's company website, which is just as bad, can be found HERE.

In RED phase, weeks 1-2, soldiers begin the process of becoming a Soldier; learning the Army values; work on physical fitness; learn about communications, basic first aid, map reading, and the military justice system. They also practice drill and ceremony and negotiate Victory Tower. Before moving to the next phase, soldiers must successfully complete a knowledge and skills test.

Weeks 3-5, WHITE phase, soldiers continue Army values and physical fitness. Much of this phase is spent learning, practicing and qualifying on the M16A2 rifle. They will also learn about other U.S. military weapons, chemical warfare and bayonet training. Soldiers will participate in the obstacle course, gas chamber and bayonet assault course and pass another knowledge and skills test.

The BLUE phase, weeks 6-9, in addition to Army values and physical fitness this phase includes individual tactical techniques, foot marches, confidence course, and obstacle course. The culmination of basic training is Victory Forge, a 7-day field training exercise combining all previously taught basic combat skills. Soldiers march ten kilometers to their designated training site to start the exercise, occupy the position and establish a defense perimeter. On subsequent days, Soldiers complete the Teamwork Reaction Course, execute tactical exercise lanes and a night tactical and live-fire exercises. The last night includes a return march to the unit area and a ceremony recognizing the successful completion of this challenging operation - and the final transformation as a Soldier in the world's finest Army.

Incidentally, I sometimes feel guilty about hating on the Army so much, but every time I get a little bit of guilt worked up, they go off and do something else poorly (I won't bore you with the details of how they aren't sure if they have messed up on Spc. McFlute's pay. Suffice it to say that the fact that they aren't sure if it is correct or not is fairly disconcerting on a number of levels). I will say that the one thing they seem to consistently get right is the "mission." There are no fighting forces in the world that have the ability to be as effective or as efficient as the American military, and we as Americans should be thankful and PROUD.

I'll leave you for now with a contest. If you think you can guess the title of the NEXT blog post (and although it is not actually written within this entry, there are several clues, and I think it is fairly obvious to anyone who appreciates understands can predict my humor), leave it in the comments and I will quickly change my mind allow you to send me cookies get an envelope to you so that you can write to Spc. McFlute and tell her that Mr.Spc. McFlute hasn't changed (for the better) yet.